Kindness, support, tolerance and respect. These are the ideas many of us associate with what it means to be a family. For some, however, childhood is more defined by a lack of fundamentals than a surplus. Fortunately, kindness can still be found outside the home. In fact, it鈥檚 our neighbours, friends and community leaders that are often the ones who show us just how powerful acts of compassion can be.
Sarah at age 12 with girls from after school program.
Sarah grew up in government housing near Kingsway and Victoria. Her childhood was marred by abuse, complicating her understanding of what it meant to be loved. That is, until a group of fellow eleven-year-old girls confronted Sarah about what she had been through, a simple but infinitely meaningful gesture that helped shape Sarah into the person she is today.
鈥淚 wanted to ask for help, but I was told I鈥檇 end up in foster care and be treated worse.鈥�
Spurred on by her father鈥檚 irresponsible spending habits, Sarah鈥檚 family moved around every year because they had difficulty paying rent. He worked night shifts and slept during the day, forcing Sarah to be quiet out of fear of being yelled at. Her parents eventually separated, placing the family in government housing, where Sarah began to help her mother care for both her younger siblings.
鈥淟ife got better because I didn鈥檛 have this frightening father figure who was threatening me all the time,鈥� says Sarah over the phone from her home in Vancouver. 鈥淏ut we also struggled financially.鈥�
Worried about her daughter, Sarah鈥檚 mother began taking her family to the Family Dinner Program at United Way supported-Cedar Cottage Neighbourhood House. From there, Sarah was enrolled in a pre-teen group for young girls.
鈥淚 was meeting all these new people and they were kind and loving鈥� It showed me what else was out there.鈥�
Sarah with family at age 11.
The newfound safe space was a far cry from Sarah鈥檚 own home. As she became more comfortable in her new surroundings, Sarah joined additional activities offered by the neighbourhood house. Volunteering with children and seniors taught Sarah about the world, widening her perspective and slowly helping her move away from the weight of her own history.
鈥淎t one point my new friends would give me compliments. I wasn鈥檛 used to people saying nice things unless they wanted something from me.鈥�
Recognizing Sarah鈥檚 insecurities, the group of girls at the neighbourhood house spoke to their group leader, telling them that they hoped to confront Sarah about her lack of confidence. 鈥淚t came out in little bits,鈥� says Sarah. 鈥淚 started to realize that people really are kind. Sure, there are some bad people, but it鈥檚 all about finding those who will love and support you.鈥�
What ensued was the first step in Sarah lowering her guard. The group began talking about their shared experiences and individual journeys. 鈥淚t was hard for me to open up and say how I was treated at home鈥� My mom who did everything to protect me didn鈥檛 realize everything I was going through... My mom really relied on me to help her鈥� I started to realize that people loved me.鈥�
鈥淩eal families support one another; they use the skills they have to help each other鈥� Giving back helps you realize that. When everyone is pitching in, it really is better for everyone.鈥�
After taking part in Cedar Cottage鈥檚 programs for just under a year, Sarah had made lifelong friends and began undoing the web of fear that had been built up since her birth. Sleepovers, fundraisers, and support became a regular part of her life and Sarah soon began to open herself to the kindness we hope to associate with friends and family. To this day, Sarah keeps in touch with her two close friends from her first year at Cedar Cottage, one who still volunteers on the board of the 麻豆传媒映画Neighbourhood house. Now married with her own daughter, Sarah doesn鈥檛 plan to stop visiting her local neighborhood houses anytime soon.
鈥淚 love taking my daughter to the family programs, it鈥檚 my second home, my extended family. A lot of the people that worked there when I was a kid still work there now.鈥�
Even when homes are marked with violence and abuse, there are still incredible people in the world who can help us see that true kindness exists. Fortunately, Sarah and many other kids have found these people at Vancouver鈥檚 Neighbourhood Houses and local Boys & Girls Clubs, both of which are funded by . United Way researches the essential needs of each community, to identify where your donations will show the greatest results, ultimately building towards a vision of a healthy, caring inclusive community for all.
鈥淪upporting after school programs through the United Way isn鈥檛 just about providing a space for kids to go, it鈥檚 about giving kids a place to grow, share, learn, laugh, and love.鈥�
