A strong majority of Canadians view romantic and sexual exclusivity as an ideal relationship arrangement, according to a new survey.
The poll, which sampled answers from more than 4,000 Canadians on love and intimacy, was conducted by the Université du Québec à Montréal.
Eighty-one per cent of Canadians in relationships — monogamous and non-monogamous — considered romantic exclusivity as ideal, and 70 per cent in relationships said sexual exclusivity was an ideal arrangement.
Similarly, 89 per cent of single Canadians, who were not dating at the time of the survey, reported romantic exclusivity as an ideal, and 79 per cent for sexual exclusivity. The percentages decreased among singles who were dating one or more people but more than half still considered both arrangements as ideal.
For Rebecca Cobb, a psychology professor at Simon Fraser University, the findings were unsurprising because monogamy continues to be privileged in the Western world. In short, it is the cultural norm.
"Most of us who grew up with fairy tales or Disney movies learned that the prince and princess will end up together at the end of the story. We don’t hear stories about the prince, the princess, and the prince who end up with their happily ever after," she says.
"Having an ethical, or consensually, non-monogamous relationship is generally viewed with suspicion and many people who aren’t involved in ethically non-monogamous relationships would consider it cheating and see people who engage in consensually non-monogamous relationships as being less human, and their relationships as less satisfying and committed."
But the professor also observed an interesting finding from the survey.
"It highlights some shifting norms, especially in younger, single people, potentially towards greater acceptance and prioritizing of non-exclusive sexual and romantic arrangements."
Overall, single Canadians in older age groups are more likely to consider romantic and sexual exclusivity as an ideal relationship arrangement than their younger counterparts.
And while these results can be intriguing or validating for some, Carrie Jenkins, a philosophy professor at the University of British Columbia, cautions taking the data at face value because they are merely ideals within specific social norms.
"The best thing to think of them as, is another reflection of how we are narrating the ideal love story to ourselves socially, and not necessarily as evidence of what's really best for people, or what they really would want if they hadn't been given literally the story of The One so many times throughout their entire lives."
'Monogamy hangover'
Although the data focuses on ideals, Jenkins says the findings are "interesting in their own right" because it reveals what people think a "good life" is, even if in reality the ideals are not manifested.
"The nuclear family lifestyle still hold sway. Even people who want to be sexually non-monogamous are still kind of seeing that nuclear family thing as an option," she says.
"With the romantic exclusivity, you can still do the picket fence, invite people over a couple of times a week. You can still do all of that and sort of have your cake and eat it too, if you want to."
Similarly, Cobb, whose current research project focuses on consensually non-monogamous adults, says this ideal narrative is even internalized by people who are not in monogamous relationships.
"A participant in the study we are currently conducting calls this a “monogamy hangover,” suggesting that it is challenging for people to let go of beliefs and ideals about relationships that are so prevalent and that they’ve grown up with."
