Send questions about careers, productivity and work-life balance to [email protected]. Please include your name and location, or request to remain anonymous.
Hey, Colleague:
I feel like I’m stuck at a dead-end job. I wake up daily feeling depressed and not wanting to go to work. I know I should be grateful to even be employed but I wished I knew what I was passionate about so I could pursue something that would make me happy. The problem is I have no idea what I’m passionate about! I honestly feel like a loser sometimes. Is there something wrong with me? How do I find out what I want to do in my life?
— Anonymous
First of all, never call yourself a “loser” because your brain is listening to everything you say! Every time I catch myself saying something negative to myself, I quickly add a “but.”
It sounds crazy and cheesy but trust me, it works. The story you tell yourself is the story your life will become.
When I was very little, I somehow acquired an old brown wallet and received Queen Elizabeth II's coronation photo in the mail. I kept that photo in my wallet for years and always looked at it while growing up.
I didn't recognize the significance of this until recently but she became a role model. Not to sound elitist or anything nor do I have any desire to “rule” a country or live in the public eye but I wanted to be “a queen” — but what is the definition of “a queen”?!
To me, a queen represents somebody who is:
- Well-rounded, classy and neutral. She understands the world isn’t black and white, especially as a head of state (even though constitutional) and can’t take sides. There are over seven billion people in the world and anyone who tries to get someone to take their side of the story isn’t realistic. The goal is to understand.
- Reliable. When s*** hits the fan and the world is falling apart, she will stay calm and resilient and be the beacon of hope for everyone and everything around her. To stay grounded, we all need a “constant” in our lives, whether it’s a person or an activity. For example, when life gets tough, I turn to exercise because it keeps me grounded and gives me a sense of control.
- Steps up when everyone else is running away. The queen and her sister were princesses during the Second World War but the Royal Family stayed in London as it was getting bombed. They even volunteered their time towards war efforts. I read a lot of history books and biographies growing up, and fantasy books with female heroines. I didn't realize this until recently but I was highly influenced by strong women who always kept their s*** together as the world fell apart around them.
- Shows up every day. Queen Elizabeth II literally appointed a new prime minister days before she passed away. Talk about reporting for duty. Who else can do that? She has shown up every day with grace since she became queen in 1952. I preach a lot about consistency and this is beyond inspiring to me!
- Makes sacrifices. She came to the throne when she was 25, in a man’s world, also as a mother, sacrificing her entire life to public duty, constant criticism, and relentless pressure… when most 25-year-olds these days are dancing on TikTok and facing existentialist crises. Nothing wrong with that because we’ve all been there! But let’s not dispute her role as a constant in an ever-changing world.
Be well-rounded
The word "well-rounded" has always popped up in my mind the last few years during my meditations and that was the type of person I wanted to be: well-rounded, classy, dependable, calm, resilient, and having a broad and comprehensive background of knowledge and experience.
I will never be who Queen Elizabeth II was but she inspires me to be a better and well-rounded person. She was charming, poised, graceful, funny, intelligent, educated and dynamic. She was literally good at everything.
Definitions of 'well-rounded'
- having or providing experience and knowledge in a number of different areas
- having varied abilities
- fully developed; well-balanced
- having desirably varied abilities or attainments
- desirably varied
- to be good at everything
10 ways to be good at everything
1) Do personal development every day
Focus on your growth to be the best person you can be. You can’t be well-rounded if you have nothing to offer.
Read a few pages of a book, listen to a few minutes of a podcast or audiobook, read an article, go for a walk, and have a deep conversation with somebody you haven't seen in a while.
It doesn't have to be much but do something small every day.
2) Be consistent
You need to become consistent and do things repeatedly to get good at it.
Show up as your best self every single day and in every aspect of your life: in your relationships, professionally, and most importantly, to yourself. Maintain your self-care rituals and your energy which will also help you improve your relationships because you will simply become a nicer person.
This will also garner you respect.
3) Be curious
Never stop learning. In order to be well-rounded, you have to constantly expand your knowledge.
Read books.
Ask questions.
4) Step outside your comfort zone as much as you can
If you keep doing the same things every day, you will never grow. Queen Elizabeth was insecure and didn’t believe in herself at the beginning of her reign at 25 years young but she kept on pushing forward and became a real queen.
5) Be interested in other people
Listen more than you talk. Be a people person. There is so much value in a good conversation because everyone has a story to tell.
Every story is a lesson.
Every lesson is an experience, even for you.
6) Learn how to effectively communicate
Being able to express yourself with words well and truly hear what the other person is saying without your personal biases interfering.
Being well-rounded means having an open mind, and striving to understand the other person and where they are coming from. You understand that there is more to the world than your little bubble.
7) Focus on your health and well-being
Without your health you have nothing.
8) Evaluate your life constantly
Take a step back and evaluate your environment, the people you surround yourself with, the content you consume, and what you do in your free time.
Is it adding value to your life?
Do they align with your vision and values?
9) Always question your own mind
This means questioning all your thoughts, actions, intentions, and behaviours because all these things affect the world around you.
Our brain is a prediction machine and your thoughts are created by the data from every single experience you've had in life — you have to be aware of which thoughts are real and which ones are biased.
Did you know that 95% of everything we do, think, or say is the same thing we did yesterday? Your subconscious mind governs your life and most people are completely unaware. That’s why we have so many problems in the world today.
Get into the habit of questioning every little thing you do. Why do you react this way? Why do you do these habits every day? Why do you think this way of a certain person? What triggers you? Why do you feel the need to people please? Why do you work yourself to burn out? Why are you so hard on yourself?
Stay consistent and this will result in extreme self-awareness, a superpower everyone needs to cultivate.
10) Never lower your standards
Standards are rules and behaviour you choose to live by consistently no matter what.
Develop your values and stand by them. Be consistent because that's how you earn respect.
Lowering your standards is disrespecting yourself and if you do it often, other people will start to notice because your energy will shift because unhappy people give off negative energy. If you are not happy with yourself, you will never be happy with the world around you.
Everyone should keep their standards high because once we accept low standards, mediocrity will become the norm and innovation will cease. Mediocrity breeds mediocrity. If we want the best for everyone, we have to hold everyone up to higher standards.
