A woman recently wrote a brutally honest obituary about her father and wants to thank the people who cared for him during his last days.
Amanda Denis of Ontario said her dad, who lived in Penticton, died at the age of 74.
It starts with “I am pleased to announce the passing” of my father.
“After suffering multiple strokes, one, thankfully leaving him unable to speak, the abusive, narcissistic absentee father/husband/brother/son finally kicked the bucket,” Denis wrote. “Because he treated people with disdain, there will be no service.”
Denis tried to post the obituary on the funeral home website where her father was cremated, but it was removed, she says.
“Not all parents are good, and that’s OK and it’s OK to talk about,” she tells Glacier Media. “My father was absent, he was abusive, he was narcissistic.”
She wants to be open and honest about her feelings and does not feel like the obituary should have been removed.
“This is the truth, this is the way he was,” she says. “It’s my family’s truth and I am not going to change that because somebody won’t post it."
In the obituary, she also wanted to make sure the staff who were ‘dealing' with her father were thanked.
“Special thank you to the staff at the Penticton Regional Hospital for putting up with this miserable human for so long, the residents and staff at Sunshine Ridge for their support towards his family at this time,” reads the obit.
Denis says she's very appreciative of their work and what they would've had to put up with.
"They didn't have the ability to walk away or to cut themselves away, like I did,” she says.
Denis was raised by her mother and grew up with her brother.
“I wanted to have a relationship with my father, I did. Every daughter does. I didn’t get the father-daughter dance, I didn’t get a lot of things,” she says. “But we made up for it.”
Writing the obit, she adds, has been therapeutic for her and she hopes it gives comfort to others in a similar situation. She did share the post on Facebook and has received messages from people thanking her for being honest.
“I don’t think any loving family would write an obituary like this unless it was truthful, It’s truthful, it’s honest and it’s cathartic for me," she says. "I had people reach out to me, total strangers, say, ‘Are you the one that wrote that obituary? Good for you. I can related. Thank you very much for doing this.’”
Another family member, Bonnie Kandulski, says the deceased is her husband’s half-brother and agrees with the obituary.
"It was a true reflection of who he was. I am very proud of Amanda for having the courage to write an accurate obit for such an evil soul,” says Kandulski, adding that her husband called the deceased the 'evil one.'
Denis will be heading back to Penticton to pack up her father's belongings.
“I wanted to show gratitude to the hospital staff and the seniors home where he was living before being hospitalized,” she says.
When asked how he would have responded to the letter, she says: "I don’t think he would care. Honestly. That’s just the type of person he was."
In lieu of flowers, Denis is asking for people to be kind to one another.
