Deciding to retire is never an easy decision for an athlete.
For the last two years, Donovan Tildesley, one of Canada's most successful Paralympic athletes and the national record holder in two events, watched the rest of the world get faster.
The 29-year-old blind swimmer managed to keep pace but finally decided he wanted to leave the sport on his own terms.
During his career, Tildesley, who attended St. George's and graduated from the University of British Columbia, won five medals at four Paralympics. He was Canada's flag-bearer at the 2008 Beijing Paralympic Games.
A career highlight was the 2002 swimming world championships in which he won five gold and a silver medal. He retires holding the world record in four distances and having qualified to compete at the 2014 Para Pan-Pacific Swimming Championships this August in Pasadena, Calif.
But the competition didn鈥檛 lure him any more.
"I thought, 鈥楧o I really want to be in a hotel for a swim meet on my 30th birthday?鈥� As much as I still love the sport, I think I need to move on,鈥� said Tildesley.
"Maybe it's time to get off the train while I'm still ahead rather than be pushed. Step aside with head held high."
Like many people around the world, Tildesley has followed the trial of Oscar Pistorius, maybe the world's most prominent Paralympic athlete, who is accused of murder in the shooting death of his girlfriend.
Tildesley can see the positive side of the tragedy because the publicity surrounds a Paralympic athlete.
"It shows they face the same demons," he said. "They are human. They are not perfect.鈥�
Paralympic athletes, he said, may also be emotionally or socially stunted like so many athletes who dedicate themselves to one specialty at a young age.
"They had adversity to overcome but there might be aspects of their personalities that, because they have focused 110 per cent of their effort on sport, they haven't developed in other ways. I have seen that same kind of [鈥 delayed growth in other athletes that I have trained with."
Over the last several years there have been questions about people with an impairment competing on the same playing field as able-bodied athletes.
Blind cross-country skier Brian McKeever of Canmore, Alta., earned a spot on the Canadian team at the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver. South African swimmer Natalie du Toit, who lost her left leg after she was hit by a car, competed at both the 2008 Paralympic and Olympic Games. Pistorius, who had both his legs amputated below the knee, battled for the right to run at the Olympics on his carbon fibre blades.
Tildesley supports para-athletes competing against the able-bodied, but said there are some grey areas.
At the 2012 London Paralympics, Tildesley raced against Bradley Snyder, a U.S. navy officer who lost his eyesight from an explosion while serving in Afghanistan. Snyder, who won two gold and a silver medal in London, swam competitively in high school and was captain of the swim team at the U.S. Naval Academy prior to his accident.
"I take my hat of to Bradley Snyder for who he is and want he stands for," said Tildesley. "But you can argue it is cheating in some ways.鈥�
The International Paralympic Committee classifies all athletes based on the severity of their impairment and has extensive guidelines for establishing each one because they draw doubters and therefore frequent revision.
McKeever, the cross-country skier, for example, is classified S13. Tildesley is classified S11, which means his visual impairment is complete.
鈥淎n S12 can see a hand in front of their face, and an S13 is legally blind but often can see quite a bit,鈥� Tildesley said.
In an email to the Courier, he expanded his point about the U.S. swimmer.
"Having had sight for the first 20-some years of his life, there鈥檚 no question that Brad has an advantage over me.
鈥淗e was taught how to swim as a sighted person and he鈥檚 competed at a high level as a sighted person prior to losing his vision. Yet despite this advantage, he鈥檚 now just as blind as me and competing at an elite level. Where do you change that and how do you draw the line?鈥�
Tildesley was born with a condition called Leiber鈥檚 congenital amaurosis, which left him without retinas. Growing up he took piano and drum lessons, skied and ran cross-country in elementary school. His parents introduced him to the pool when he was six months old. By age nine he had joined the swim team at the Arbutus Club.
Water became a second home for Tildesley, who works as an insurance broker and inspirational speaker.
"Just being in the water was very therapeutic, a very freeing feeling," he said. "You feel this sense of nothing that is all around you. You can splash around, you can flip around. It's just this wide-open body that you can take on."
Leaving competitive swimming won't keep Tildesley out of the pool.
"If I don't swim, I go crazy. I'm still in the pool two or three times a week," he said.
"That for me has always been a form of relaxation."
Jim Morris is a veteran reporter who has covered sports for 30 years. Reach him at [email protected].
