Just like every snowflake is unique, so too are Vancouverites鈥� reactions to snowflakes, particularly when it blankets the city 鈥� at first transforming the streets into a winter wonderland, then plunging society into a snowy hellscape of terrible driving and righteous indignation over personal inconveniences.
To help you get through Vancouver鈥檚 winter of discontent, here are a few tried and true tips to guide you on your snow-capped journey.
Take photos of the freshly fallen snow and post them to your social media feeds ASAP
Your childlike wonder towards snow will be short-lived, so harness that fleeting sense of innocence and share it with the world until it becomes tiresome. Sure, everyone else is posting the exact same photos of snowy streets, snow falling in slow motion and porches, railings, bushes and trees covered in a marshmallowy quilt of winter weather, but for a brief moment you will be part of a whole. A brief, happy whole.
听听听听听听听听听听听听听
Let indignation with the powers that be creep into your heart
Great job for picking a design that doesn't take snowfall into account!
鈥� Victimless Crimea (@sxycaligirl69)
Peruse Facebook and Twitter and join in the public鈥檚 growing condemnation of buses that aren鈥檛 running, SkyTrain stations that are crowded, city streets that are unplowed and people who don鈥檛 shovel their sidewalks. If possible, shake your fist at the clouds. Better yet, call out TransLink or the city on social media for their questionable response to inclement weather. It鈥檚 cold outside, so let that resentment and anger burn brightly and warm your cranky body all damn day long. And if is taking a holiday during this natural disaster? You鈥檒l have enough bad mojo to heat your house all week. Dang.
Selectively post a photo of a cleared bike lane and publically grumble about the uncleared sidewalk beside it
You鈥檝e reached peak Vancouver, right here. Sure there are plenty of instances of cleared sidewalks beside uncleared roads and bike lanes, but that doesn鈥檛 fuel the fire in your belly, does it. Plus complaining about bike lanes AND snow is like the Hall & Oates of 麻豆传媒映画indignation. It鈥檚 doesn鈥檛 make sense, but it feels so right. 听听听听
On days like today this is what upsets me. Why is the bike path clear and not the pedestrian path?
鈥� Tricia Barker (@TriciaBarker49)
Why?????
Block any of your friends, family members or coworkers on Facebook who are currently on a sunny vacation and will undoubtedly post a photo of a tropical beach or a sweaty bottle of Corona poolside and quip, 鈥淗ow鈥檚 everything in Vancouver鈥� like they are the funniest, most original person in the entire effing world
It鈥檚 got to be said: Corona is a s*** beer, and anyone who drinks it is a s*** person, even if it鈥檚 your mom. This is why you should have never accepted her friend request on Facebook. Plus she keeps inviting you to play Candy Crush with her, and that would just be weird.
The next time it rains, forget how inconvenienced you were and wish it was snowing again
Grey skies, soaked feet, stinky buses. Rain is for chumps. Bring back the white stuff. It makes everything look so much cleaner and Instagramable. Plus you don鈥檛 have to pound back the Vitamin D like Skittles when everything鈥檚 so bright and fluffy. You also look so much cuter in that parka and boots combo. Damn, you didn鈥檛 know how good you had it. Thankfully, you have an intense game of Candy Crush with your mom later to distract you from how empty your life has become without snow. Beautiful, fluffy, restorative snow.
A version of this story was originally published in 2019.
