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The case for do-it-yourself parenting

Teaching kids how to ride a bike, change a tire or use a hand drill is not only necessary, but a bonding experience
Rob Wynen
Pearl and her father working on fencing.
Parents have a lot of skills they can teach their children. In this photo, two-year-old Pearl learns how to build a fence with her dad.

One of my favourite pictures of my two-year-old niece Pearl is of her standing on a ladder while her dad drills a screw into a two-by-four for fencing. What I like, besides the reminder of when my own son was young, is the sharing of skills between parent and child. 

It is something I have seen numerous times on Bowen Island. There is something about our island that seems to encourage the passing of life skills from parent to child. Whether it be the best way to start a fire (not at this time of the year, of course), teaching kids how to raise chickens or plant a vegetable garden, the opportunities for learning life skills are endless. Maybe this is why we have one of, if not the, highest ratio of young families in Canada. It truly is such a unique place to raise kids.

Sharing life skills is of course nothing new; it has been done for generations. But, it is something that has been slowly disappearing across Canada. In my work at a community centre, I have seen a steady progression towards structured, “professional”-led learning and a move away from informal parent-led skill sharing. Skills that for centuries had been passed down from parent to child have slowly been relegated to professionals. 

A recent conference I attended titled “physical literacy” was a great case in point.  The term physical literacy, something that I had never heard of 10 years ago, has emerged to deal with the increasing lack of physical abilities we see in our youth.  

We now have courses to teach kids how to throw a ball, do a somersault, jump, run and learn how to ride a bike. While most don’t see much wrong with teaching physical skills to kids, one has to wonder why these courses were not around a generation ago. Pretty much all of my childhood friends were very adapt at the skills we are now teaching our kids in structured programs. 

I learned many of the skills now being taught in community centres from my dad. While I am sure some of his teaching methods would be frowned upon today – the time we needed to get pulled out of Lake Ontario after a failed lesson on operating a Laser 2 sail boat in gale force winds comes to mind – I still learned many valuable lessons from him. Today many parents wouldn’t dare to teach their child how to sail, leaving it to the pros, enrolling them in a structured, well-taught class.   

In comparing the physical ability of kids in the '70s and '80s to today’s youth, many studies show a marked difference. It’s not in a good direction. Kids just a generation ago were much more physically skilled compared to now. 

The irony is that much of this has come about due to an increased focus on the idea that there is a right and a wrong way to move, sail or use a hand drill.  It creates a sense that those of us not professionally trained in these skills are not adequate and should leave this skill building up to the “experts.” Maybe we’ll scar them with the “wrong” way to ride a bike and they’ll need to spend years relearning how to ride? Often the skills never get learned.

Teaching our kids new skills can create a bond. They’re a way to connect and share life lessons that can never be replicated by a professional. We are missing a big bonding opportunity with our family and friends as we increasingly leave this task to the “experts.” We lose valuable opportunities to be part of sharing our own personal skills and life lessons.

Whether it is the lack of confidence we have as teachers, the social norms of outsourcing many teaching opportunities to paid professionals or the busy, and the hectic lives most of us live, evidence seems to indicate that the professionals are not more successful than good old mom and dad, maybe even less.  Not only does the child lose out, but teaching kids skills is an incredibly rewarding experience for parents. I recently taught my son how to switch up a chainsaw blade, a task I don’t typically enjoy, but teaching him was a great experience. Plus, now my chainsaw is ready with a fresh chain.

So, to the young parents out there, wondering whether to enroll little Johnny in after-school programs and weekend sports camps, maybe give it a second thought. Bowen is the perfect place for do-it-yourself learning and teaching.  Opportunities are all around us to share what we know, we may not be teaching everything the “right” way, but who cares, life is all about trial and error. It is probably the best way to learn.  

And Pearl, pay close attention to Dad. I’ve got some deer fencing jobs for you in a couple of years.  Â