We were really happy and very much in love so we decided to make the most out of life instead of chasing a dream that might make her symptoms better or not.
During a phone conversation with Burnaby resident Derek Milloy this week, he explained why he and his wife Darleen decided to spend their time and energy pursuing happiness rather than medical treatments that may or may not have eased the symptoms she suffered as the result of living with multiple sclerosis (MS). MS is an unpredictable, often disabling disease of the central nervous system, which is composed of the brain and spinal cord. The disease attacks the protective covering wrapped around the nerves of the central nervous system.
Milloy describes the disease as a puzzle difficult to solve.
He told me it was easy to pursue happiness with Darleen because she was so upbeat and positive, no matter how bad her symptoms became. Instead of chasing the next new experimental treatment, the couple purchased a wheelchair-accessible van.
That way we got to watch way more sunsets at Kits Beach, Milloy told me. And Darleen was able to spend more time with her nephews who meant so much to her.
Another love of Darleens was the Simon Fraser University pipe band, where she had been a champion bagpipe soloist before MS robbed her of the ability to play. In fact, it was the SFU pipe band that brought the two together. The Minnesota-born Milloy joined the pipe band at age 18 and it was in the fall of 1988 during one of his first performances that he met Darleen. He recalls hearing her play for the first time.
I still remember watching her that day, he says.
Darleen was diagnosed with MS in 1992. The couple married in 1993. Darleen remained her husbands biggest fan and was overjoyed when the SFU pipe band won the World Pipe Band Championship in 1995. Milloy plans to continue with the band in tribute to Darleen, who died last May.
Milloy dedicated every spare minute to caring for his wife as her health declined, while completing his masters degree in education. That dedication was recognized last month by the MS Society of Canada, which awarded Milloy the National Opal Award for Caregiver. The local division of the national MS Society will recognize Milloy for a second time April 15 at a special performance of the SFU pipe band at the Vogue Theatre. The concert will be the first local performance by the band in more than five years. (Id recommend packing tissues if you attend.)
Milloy says hes humbled by the award and adds he never considered the care he gave Darleen as anything above and beyond.
I loved her and I just did what was automatic. I know for a fact there are thousands of people out there doing the same thing for a loved one, so Im very honoured.
Milloy says Darleen kept her spirits up to the end and her strength and courage were inspiring. He says that was never more apparent than the time she was admitted to hospital with pneumonia several years before her death, when doctors at the time told him she was probably going to die.
Even after she got out of the hospital, she gave me a big smile and shrugged her shoulders and said, Could be worse, Milloy told me. MS might have done things to her physically, but her spirit never died.
Milloy plans to participate in the Â鶹´«Ã½Ó³»Scotiabank MS Walk, which takes place April 29 at Ceperley Meadow in Stanley Park. The route is accessible to scooters and walkers and participants have a choice between a three or five-kilometre route. The walk takes place in 25 communities across the province and Yukon. For more information, visit mssociety.ca.
Twitter: @sthomas10
