All eyes, ears and looming senses of dread will be on the legislature in Victoria this afternoon when Premier Christy Clark issues her long-awaited throne speech, setting the stage for a confidence vote, which her government stands a good chance of losing.
Funny thing, Clark conveniently appears to have had a change of heart regarding the past six years she and her party have been in power. So much so, her throne speech will include promises to end a 10-year freeze on welfare rates, tie disability assistance to inflation, ban union and corporate donations to political parties, a commitment to bring in a poverty-reduction plan and amend the provincial budget to add $1 billion over the next four years for child care and early childhood development. Why her government didn鈥檛 campaign on these promises, let alone do anything instead of outright reject them while they were in power, is anyone鈥檚 guess. But we鈥檙e guessing, Clark and co. have some other gems in today鈥檚 throne speech to woo the public and voters, if, gasp, another election is around the corner. Here鈥檚 what we鈥檙e expecting:
- A free pony for every eight- to 12-year-old girl in the province.
- To address the needs of millennials who vote, the government will establishment a Ministry of Chill, which will be responsible for tons cool stuff like鈥ou know, whatever.聽
- The free slice of Billy Miner Pie that Keg restaurants are known to give customers on their birthdays will be extended to anyone, birthday or not, who says to the server, 鈥淭his one鈥檚 on Christy, she鈥檚 the best.鈥澛�
- A commission to look into making cardboard boxes more waterproof and comfortable to sleep in.
- Remember Clark鈥檚 failed 鈥淥m the Bridge鈥� International Yoga Day event a few years back that would have shut down the Burrard Street Bridge, cost a reported $150,000 and was perceived to show a lack of respect for National Aboriginal Day because it was held on the same day? Well, it鈥檚 back on. Except this time, it鈥檒l shut down the Lions Gate Bridge during rush hour on a Friday afternoon before a long weekend. It鈥檒l still be held on National Aboriginal Day. #consistency
- Clark, Mike de Jong and Rich Coleman promise to personally hug a poor person every day for a week, and whisper in their ears, 鈥淚鈥檓 so, so sorry for the past [mumble, mumble, cough] years. Are we good? If so, would you mind passing that on to your other poor friends in the ghetto for us? It鈥檚 still called the ghetto, right?鈥�
