During his first visit to Â鶹´«Ã½Ó³»21 years ago, Tom Sater took a wrong turn on his way to Burnaby and was late to cheer on a new romantic flame in a 10-kilometre track event.
Although Sater arrived after the end of the race, it was one of the last they would ever run without the other. "I don't know that we've done a race that we didn't do together. It was love at first sight," Sater said of Trevor Tang, his lifelong running partner and husband. "Running was really one of the things that was important to both of us."
"It's a constant in our relationship," added Tang. "We've been running for the past 21 years together."
Training for middle-distance road races is a lifestyle commitment that requires time and mental dedication. Resentment can build on both sides of a partnership if one spouse doesn't feel supported in their pursuit or the other feels left behind in the dust because they don't run.
Counter to that, running is social. Jogging silently is still time spent in each other's company. Groups of runners gather regularly to pound the pavement and in some clubs, like Frontrunners of which Sater and Tang are members, like-minded joggers inevitably form friendships and members often introduce their life partners to the sport.
Â鶹´«Ã½Ó³»residents Peter and Ann Harvey paddle, hike and run together. The pair--both in their 70s--are in Florida this week for the Pan American Dragon Boat Championships. "Ann and I ran the Sun Run with 50,000 of our closest friends. It is a rite of spring for us and we do it every year," wrote Peter in an email to the Courier. "Both Ann and I enjoy the outdoors and physical activity, there's no doubt they both add greatly to the strength of our relationship."
Harvey said their mutual love for exercise keeps them healthy and feeling young.
"No doubt doing anything together will build intimacy," said Â鶹´«Ã½Ó³»couples counsellor David McKenzie, a certified therapist who specializes in human sexuality. He's counselled married bodybuilders who, through sport, shared a profession as well as a pastime. "Of course too much intimacy kills passion and so I would advise couples who are in the same profession... to be careful that they are not spending all their time with each other or they will lose passion."
Sater, 59, and Tang, 44, are both designers, but apply their trade in different fields. The pair are sweet-tempered, fit and each wears braces.
They met in 1990 when Â鶹´«Ã½Ó³»hosted the Gay Games, but they were both living near San Jose, CA. If each is the other's love of his life, Â鶹´«Ã½Ó³»is the setting for their romance. They moved here three years ago and in July this year, became permanent residents of Canada. Â鶹´«Ã½Ó³»is their home.
"It was such a pivotal point in our lives. We met here and I guess the fact that we fell in love here made the city just seem so much more beautiful," said Sater.
They married in California--twice--because of constitutional and legal constraints on same-sex rights in that state.
They will compete in the 10k this weekend at the Â鶹´«Ã½Ó³» Outgames, an international sporting event for gay and lesbian athletes and the friends and family who support them.
Tang is the faster racer but they train together, circling Stanley Park and returning along the water's edge to their home near Rogers Arena. "Definitely we have different paces but we do motivate each other," said Sater. "Some days I'm not at my best so he'll push me and there are days when I'll encourage him and tease him as we run along the seawall."
---
Frontrunners is a running and walking club for gays and lesbians and their friends and supporters. The Â鶹´«Ã½Ó³»chapter of the international organization formed in 1982 following the Gay Games in San Francisco. A group of two dozen runners meets regularly on Wednesday and Saturday. Socializing is also a focus for the group. For more information, visit vancouverfrontrunners.org.
Twitter: @MHStewart
