Jennifers common-law partner would wake her to berate her. He deprived her of food. He abused her mentally, emotionally and financially. If it wasnt for the son they shared and the fact that she lacked legal status in Canada, she would have left earlier.
When somebody tells you for so long how bad you are you start to believe it, youre not good for nothing, said Jennifer, whose name has been changed out of concern for her safety.
Her pleas for help to her partners mother were rejected.
Sometimes the abusers friends or parents, they would just say oh yeah, hes stubborn, Jennifer said.
Lisa Rupert, manager of the YWCAs Munroe House, which provides housing for women and their children whove left abusive relationships, says she knows of other instances where concerns expressed by family members about an abusers behaviour have compelled him to treat his partner with more respect.
She notes the University of B.C. released a report about the high health, legal and social services costs related to women leaving abusive partners.
Thats why its so important, in my opinion, for the extended family to get involved because for the welfare of their daughter-in-law and their grandchildren, its really important that they take a stand and that they support their son to be a more respectful person and a better father, Rupert said.
With the YWCAs national 2011 Week Without Violence campaign called Abuse Isnt Always Black and Blue, the YWCA Metro Â鶹´«Ã½Ó³»wants to help bystanders recognize and support women in emotionally abusive relationships.
Really, there is no such thing as an innocent bystander, said Janet Austin, CEO of the YWCA Metro Vancouver. So understanding what you can do constructively as an individual, providing support thats appropriate that doesnt actually inflame a situation and educating yourself around the characteristics of emotional abuse, understanding it, and doing your part to speak up against it, thats what wed like people to do.
The campaign defines emotional abuse to include constant degrading comments, blame for everything that goes wrong, public ridicule, harassment, isolation, neglect, exploitation and threats. The Week Without Violence website includes a 10-question quiz on emotional abuse. The YWCAs Facebook page and its Twitter account are also providing tips and advice.
Statistics Canadas 1993 survey about violence against women in Canada found that one in three women face some type of abuse from a partner in their lifetime. Emotional abuse is the most common form of violence against women.
Theres research that supports the fact, essentially, that often sustained emotional abuse over a period of time can often have more lasting and more deeply seated negative consequences than periodic physical violence, Austin said.
Jennifer stayed with her abusive partner for four years until a crisis propelled her out of the home. She was previously discouraged from leaving by advice from social service agencies that told her there was no guarantee she could gain legal status in Canada that would allow her to work, study or receive income assistance, and that she could be deported without custody of her child.
She said other mothers who lack legal status in Canada because they arrived in the country with a temporary visitors, student or work visa or as a traveller should leave their abusive partners because theres a good chance they can stay in Canada with their children.
For more information, see ywcavan.org or call Munroe House at 604-734-5722.
Twitter: @Cheryl_Rossi
