Yes, this Sunday is St. Patrick鈥檚 Day, or as some have dubbed it, the 鈥淐elebration of Questionable Irish Heritage.鈥� Like many other alcohol-related 鈥渉olidays,鈥� St. Patrick鈥檚 Day is generally marked by an embarrassing display of piss poor behavior and drunken antics typically reserved for university students and Australians.
This year it falls on a weekend, so it鈥檚 going to be extra special. By all means, dress up in green, have a pint (or seven) of Guinness and go watch that Pogues cover band that only plays one show a year. But don鈥檛 be that asshole. You know the one.
If you don鈥檛, then here鈥檚 some handy advice on what not to do this St. Patrick鈥檚 Day.
Don鈥檛 claim dubious Irish ancestry
Just like the other 95 per cent of Canadians who claim Irish ancestry, you鈥檙e not Irish. Doesn鈥檛 matter what said. Just because your great-great-grandmother was born in Tipperary, doesn鈥檛 mean that you are Irish 鈥� it means your great-great-grandmother was Irish. Who know who鈥檚 Irish? People who were born, raised and/or currently live in Ireland, You don鈥檛 need to be Irish to enjoy St. Patrick鈥檚 Day, anyways. So check your passport, bud. You鈥檙e Canadian, just like the rest of us.
Don鈥檛 drink green beer
Why? Why would you do this? Why would you ruin a perfectly good beer by adding green food colouring to it? If you want to drink like an Irish person, order a Guinness (or a locally-made dry Irish stout, like or ). Don鈥檛 like stout? Get a Harp鈥檚 or a Kilkenny (or, if you can find it, Crann贸g Ales鈥� Gael鈥檚 Blood, an Irish red ale brewed with potatoes). But green food dye? Your great-great-grandmother would be ashamed.
Don鈥檛 visit an 鈥淚rish Pub鈥�
Is there anywhere more obnoxious than an 鈥淚rish鈥� pub on St. Patrick鈥檚 Day? They tend to crank it up to what I call 鈥淢aximum Boston鈥� for the day, and it can be a bit much, to be honest. But hey, if you want to wait in line for 45 minutes for a plastic cup of warm green beer, knock yourself out.
Don鈥檛 overdo it
Yes, it鈥檚 fun to tie one on and get festive and all that. But you know what isn鈥檛 fun? Trying to get green vomit stains out of your favourite shirt. Especially if it鈥檚 not even your vomit. In keeping with the theme of the day, have a hearty Irish stew or shepherd鈥檚 pie before you head out on the piss.
Don鈥檛 be a feckin鈥� gobshite
You might think that the unironic 鈥淜iss Me, I鈥檓 Irish鈥� T-shirt is hilarious, but it鈥檚 not. Same with the constant potato jokes (seriously, more than a million people died in the potato famine, cut that shit out). And for the love of , it鈥檚 St. Paddy鈥檚 Day, not St. Patty鈥檚 Day. I don鈥檛 know who Patty is, but I鈥檓 sure she鈥檚 lovely.
鈥淪o what should I do then, you grumpy old prick? By all means, continue to tell me how to live my life!鈥� Glad you asked. Here鈥檚 some suggestions for craft beer-related events this weekend that are actually going to be a lot of fun, and you should totally check them out.
Beer Goggles (Rossland)
is going craft with its sixth annual beer party at the base of the mountain. Friday, March 15 from 5-9pm, and Saturday, March 16, from 3:30-7:30 p.m.
WISE Hall鈥檚 St. Paddy鈥檚 Day Bash (Vancouver)
An East Van tradition, features live music from Shane鈥檚 Teeth and the Staggers and Jaggs. Saturday, March 16, 8-11:30 p.m.
Big Rock (Vancouver)
Celebrate all weekend long at Big Rock鈥檚 . A different stout cask ale will be tapped each day, along with live music from Chris McMullan (Saturday and Sunday). Have yourself a proper Irish breakfast while you鈥檙e at it, or a traditional shepherd鈥檚 pie.
Canoe Brewpub (Victoria)
No cover, live music by OK Charlie, $6 pints of amber ale all day and Jameson whiskey flights (danger!) make this a must if you鈥檙e on the Island. Sunday, March 17.
Dead Frog Brewing (Langley)
Live music from Lisa Rae Simons, bangers and mash on the menu, and an all-natural green-coloured beer on tap (OK, this one gets a pass, I guess). Sunday, March 17.
Moody Ales (Port Moody)
Live music from the Digby Scallops and Irish-inspired beers on tap. Sunday, March 17.
听
