Recently a Facebook friend shared his boyfriends sentiments on Vancouvers near-terminal case of playoff fever. I hope the Canucks lose so people stop wearing jerseys and being ugly. I agree with him.
As I write this on the eve of a fateful Game 7 against Chicago, I wont hide my dislike of the Canucks (Go Habs!), but my emnity towards them stems not from the team itself as much as from their merchandising. Canucks gear is truly, horrendously ugly.
Dont just take my word for it. The front office has changed logos no less than four times in the clubs 40-year history: hockey stick, flying V, orca, and back to the hockey stick. In contrast, the Canadiens logo is no paragon of aesthetics, but at least they had the foresight along with the Bruins, the Maple Laffs, er, Leafs, Rangers, etc to stick to their design guns, thereby creating an iconic image that eventually grew to transcend fashion and style. Vancouver, meanwhile, is stuck with a revolving door of mediocrity.
Then theres the team colours, meant to symbolize our blue ocean and green mountains, or whatever. As any doddering granny can tell you: Blue and green should never be seen, except inside the washing machine. To my eye, at least, there is no more upsetting colour combination than royal blue and hunter green. Together, they hold all the charm and sophistication of the colours at a white-trash wedding, or a garden hose at Walmart.
Or if, as I believe, the Canucks logo(s) cant be redeemed, just go to the opposite end of the spectrum and let us get a laugh out of it. On this score we could learn a thing or two from the British part of our provincial monicker: our cousins across the pond. With the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton hanging over them like so much overripe fruit, enterprising Brits have plastered their future sovereigns mugs on everything from refrigerators to magnets and teabags to, well, mugs. Tacky gilt edging and fancy scrolled lettering appears on even the most inappropriate items. Case in point: Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction, that feature the loving couple on the regal purple packaging.
Of course, Im not advocating for Canucks condoms. For one, finding the right slogan for our bridesmaid team could be a bit tricky. (Almost makes it to the end every time...) But a little nodding deference to the sheer ridiculousness of spending upwards of $300 on an ill-fitting, completely synthetic garment of dubious allure couldnt hurt.
As we speed to press, the outcome of tonights game is unknown. But I know in my heart that if we lose and the jerseys and car flags disappear for another 11 months, then weve snatched a small victory from the jaws of defeat.
