At one of the positive points in our lives, my childhood friend Stan said, "When I feel pain, I know I'm alive."
Stress is like that. It's an unavoidable part of life. We all know someone (usually male) who does his best to avoid discomfort and work. He slides through (and out) of school by sleeping in, skipping out and exerting the absolute minimum of effort to just get by.
He doesn't go out of his way for anyone. He waits for others to wait on him. He waits for them to tell him what has to be done. He avoids not only exercise but sweating itself. He avoids work as much as possible, and if he manages to get a job, he'll do the least he can to keep it.
This stress-avoidance strategy ultimately fails. The sloth causes increasing stress to all around him until no further help is available. Ultimately, he'll face the stress of survival alone ... and the void of a potential unfulfilled.
Stress is essential to life. Without positive stress, we would not rise from our beds each morning. Without internal and external stresses to move forward and challenge ourselves, we would never discover new opportunities and grow. Without the stress of our everyday lives, the stress of pushing our limits, the stress of our failures and the stress of the major and minor traumas in the stories of our lives, we would never grow stronger, wiser or more compassionate.
Dr. Hans Selye distinguished good stress (eustress) from bad stress (distress). Sometimes it's not easy to tell the difference. You may dream of a stress-free life, but such a life could be boring or empty.
Being a parent is one of life's biggest adventures but it's never stress-free. Parents are charged with a tremendous responsibility-the physical and emotional wellbeing of a baby, toddler, growing child and eventually a maturing adolescent. There are special challenges and rewards with each child and at every stage of their growth, and as a child grows, so do we.
We also become a stress-mostly positive but at times negative-in the lives of our children. We set boundaries for behaviour, and we set standards and goals. Without these, they may not internalize appropriate values and achieve their positive potential.
Our words and how we deliver them can be a source of stress. Our children need our feedback at every stage. That feedback can help them to continuously improve and grow.
Too often, poorly chosen words can cause distress. Unhelpful criticism that doesn't improve our performance and attacks rather than assists arises through thoughtlessness or our own darker motivations. We can get into a pattern of reflexively blurting out hurtful l remarks that harm our relationship and the children we have been charged to nurture.
We are all interconnected. We can harm or help others by what we do and what we fail to do, what we say and how we say it. In the workplace, at school and at home, what type of stress do you cause? What is your effect on people? Being more mindful of this, what would you do differently?
Dr. Davidicus Wong is a physician and writer. His column appears regularly in this paper.
