If the ancient Mayans, a handful of conspiracy theorists and Roland Emmerichs latest disaster flick are anything to go by, the world will come to an end on December 21, 2012. That leaves humanity less than a year to make peace with our god (or lack thereof), put our affairs in order, and cross those last items off our bucket lists. WE asked a doomsday panel of local experts and luminaries for their final acts before the last gasp. Heres what they had to say...
Lauren Mote, co-proprietor and mixologist,
I guess this depends on why the world is ending, but if youre like me, you blame banks and big business. With the Classic Wall Street a charming and sophisticated concoction inspired by the work-hard and play-hard attitude of the financial industry I promise you wont feel a thing!
1 oz. Bison Grass Vodka
1/2 oz. Hendricks Gin
1/2 oz. Lillet
1/2 oz. lemon juice
1/2 oz. tangerine and mountain honey syrup*
2 dashes peach bitters**
Shake all ingredients together, and double-strain into a chilled champagne saucer or martini glass. Garnish with a lemon twist, squeezing the oils atop the cocktail surface, and rubbing the rim of the glass before dropping into the cocktail.
*500 ml mountain flower honey, lightly simmered in 250 ml of water and the peels of 10 tangerines. Allow to steep on low temperature in a saucepan for 15 minutes, strain.
** Bittered Sling Bitters may be replaced with Fee Brothers Peach Bitters, available at Legacy Liquor Store (1633 Manitoba, LegacyLiquorStore.com).
LAST CAUSE
Spencer Chandra Herbert, MLA Â鶹´«Ã½Ó³»West End
I live every day like it could be the last so the end of the world? No biggie. Ill continue to work hard for the good in everyone. Ill stand up for a community where we look out for each other, and the planet we live on, and for good measure push for community celebrations and the arts. Because coming together as neighbours (even at the end) makes life a heckuva lot more fun.
LAST LAUGH
Bob Robertson, co-creator of Double Exposure and author of Mayan Horror: How to Survive the End of the World in 2012
Downtown Prince George on a freezing night. Walking back to my hotel after a public reading of my book Mayan Horror. The only other person on the street was a hooker. I nodded as I passed, then turned towards my hotel. She yelled after me, Is there anything youd like? I yelled back, A bestseller would be nice! Then I panicked. Maybe hookers do something called a Bestseller! Time to move on, Bob.
BOOK ENDS
Shelagh Rogers, host of CBC Radios The Last Chapter
One of those dystopian Margaret Atwood books, say The Year of the Flood. Youd have tips on surviving in the New World Order and you would learn how to organize society. Plus, theres even song book with hymns for establishing a new religion with built-in saints such as St. David Suzuki, St. Rachel Carson and St. Ewell Gibbons. She even lets you know what kind of animals to expect, strange hybrids like pigoons. Id hope that shed be tweeting a bit about survival and I could follow along. After all, one of her first books was Survival.
LAST Song
Dan Mangan, singer/songwriter
I suppose Just by Radiohead would be fitting. The chorus line, You do it to yourself, you do, and thats why it really hurts. If we go down in a ball of fire, its not going to be divine intervention. Its going to be self-fulfilling-prophecy manifestation. Or, perhaps if Im feeling cheeky, itd be Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life from Monty Pythons The Life Of Brian. Chin up, humanity. Apocalypse is such a natural part of existence.
FINAL REEL
Curtis Woloschuck, movie reviewer for WE and the Noon News Hour on Global BC.
If theres time to kill before the Apocalypse, Im going straight to Terry Gilliams Brazil. Not only was this 1985 dark comic fantasy about a bureaucracy-ridden dystopia one of the first films completely attuned to my sensibilities, it also culminates with its protagonist attempting to rewrite his tragic fate into something more triumphant. What better viewing could there be when your end is nigh?
SWAN SONG
Conni Smudge, drag diva
extraordinaire
Picture it: 2012. Its the end of the world. The TV coverage is world-wide. Anderson Cooper announces me. I stride confidently onto my glamorous stage at the corner of Denman and Davie. Displaying every jewel I own, I am a vision in my bullet-proof, Technicolor polyester ensemble. I perform I Am What I Am from La Cage au Folles. The opening lines says it all: It takes a lifetime to become the best that we can be/We have not the time or the right to judge each other/ Its one life, and theres no return and no deposit/ One life, so make sure you like whats in your closet!
last Bash
El Garzita, Waldorf Hotels Ambassador of Good Taste
Que Dios nos agarre confesados
May God come and take us right after confession popular Mexican saying.
Considering the cliché that we would like to spend our last moments on this planet in the company of our most beloved friends and family, one has to plan for the type of clientele likely to attend a Last Party on Earth extravaganza. People whos browser homepage is ClubZone.ca, guys in their 40s who long for the good old 90s rave scene, hipsters too broke for a bus ticket back to their small town (Come to think of it, thats our normal clientele!) No matter. Lets do something special for them. The Sex Shop scene in Logans Run comes to mind. So lets grab a bunch of mattresses from the rooms upstairs, place them on the floor of the Hideaway and have people play beeping noises regurgitated from analog synths.
If we could add humanistic and charitable elements to such a happening, even better. Why dont we have the dishwasher fulfill his fantasies of DJing to a packed room of ecstatic party animals in the Cabaret? Might as well give him a great DJ name while were at it. DJ Sexy Consequences; thats the one! Look at him work those two iPods. And how about my neighbours horrible prog-folk band? Get em on stage, I says!
A Priest ready for confessions is a must in the Tiki Bar. Go and tell him about the time you stole from your mothers purse and how you would read your ex-girlfriends diary behind her back while Proud Mary plays. It dont matter no more because the Mayans were right. But lets go sit next to that Priest just in case.
LAST SUNSET
Mike McCardell, Global TV personality and author
Id go to Sunset Beach with one of my cameramen, Dave McKay. Why? I like to eat and hes a good cook. I love a good sunset and its a beautiful spot. Hed be a lot of fun. Wed have a barbecque of pulled pork and ribs.
LAST TRACK
DJ Hedspin, winner of the Â鶹´«Ã½Ó³»Red Bull Thre3tyle Championship in 2008 and 2011
I would play I Wouldnt Change A Thing by Coke Escovedo. Its a feel-good, danceable, up-tempo type of song talking about how he wouldnt change a thing about his life if he had to live it all over again, which is exactly the way I feel about mine. Perfect way to end off the night, or end the world.
LAST ACT
Kerry Jang, Â鶹´«Ã½Ó³»City Councillor
Establish a food street recommended by the Chinatown economic revitalization plan so everyone can explore foods from each province in China sizzling Sichuan, hot and heavy Hunanese, Macanese curries, zippy Zhejiang fish from Lake Tai, amazing Anhui stews, to Hong Kong style dai pai dong. Who wouldnt want to be able to have Shanghai hairy crabs in Vancouver...? as Homer Simpson would say ...mmmmm. hairy crabs, mmmmmm....
last supper
Dale Mackay, chef/owner of Ensemble and eTap
I would take my son Ayden to Whistler and hang out in a condo like we do whenever we can get away from the city. Wed watch back-to-back episodes of Family Guy on TV and eat our favourite meal of pork chops and sauerkraut, followed by cold milk chasers. And maybe root beer floats, if we have room. My all-time favourite childhood memories are of being on my uncles farm in Saskatchewan in the summer and at Christmas, eating pork chops and sauerkraut made by my mom and her twin sister Auntie Gay. If we gotta go, I cant think of a better way than to recreate that ultimate happiness with my son.
LAST DANCE
Emily Molnar, Artistic Director, Ballet BC
Ballet BCs last dance would be a lot like our others. Wed follow our passion, as always, and create an innovative new work that moves people. Only this time money wouldnt matter! The possibilities would be endless...
FINAL MANEUVRE
Hedy Fry, MP Â鶹´«Ã½Ó³»Centre
If the world is ending in 2012, Id ask the Canadian Forces to pick me up from vacation in a helicopter. Wait, someones already done that? Oh... Nevermind. Instead, I shall move Parliament to Â鶹´«Ã½Ó³»Centre. Committees will meet at Siegels Bagels, while the House of Commons will convene at the Railway Club (out of respect for Sir John A.). Heck, while Im at it, I may even summon up to courage to finally ask John Baird out on a date.
BLISS OUT
Eoin Finn, yogi and blissologist
Wow! All this yoga is really helping me kiss my ass goodbye!
What would your last shout be all about? Leave a comment at WEVancouver.com.
