Craft beer is obviously perfect for every occasion. Celebrating that big promotion? Craft beer. Brother’s wedding? Craft beer. Mother’s funeral? Craft beer. Niece’s christening? Craft beer. In the middle of a job interview because you got fired from your last job for drinking at work? Craft beer. Eviction? Craft beer.
But no event is better suited to craft beer than the annual sportsing spectacle that is the Super Bowl. Even if you’re not a fan of handegg football, this daylong gauntlet of salty snacks, commercial breaks and red-blooded American excess is a must-watch event. In fact, I’m pretty sure all Canadians are now legally obligated to watch the game, thanks to that new NAFTA agreement.
You’re obviously going to need something to drink to get through this debacle, and that something should be craft beer, preferably something session-strength and well-balanced that can hang in there all day without blowing out your palate or your liver.
And since you don’t want to be guilty of a game day faux pas, we’ve come up with the best snack and beer pairings to keep you from embarrassing yourself like some filthy casual. Imagine having a Belgian dubbel with a plate of coleslaw like a goddamn peasant! Obviously, you’ll be socially ostracized and your family will never look at you the same again. We’re here to make sure that doesn’t happen.
Happy sportsing!
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BEER: Faller Northwest Pale Ale by (5.4 per cent ABV, 35 IBU)
SNACK: Salt and Vinegar chips
WHY: A working class beer perfect for a day of organized brutality. The salty chips brighten the hop flavours, while the malt body balances the bite from the vinegar.
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BEER: La Maison by (4.5 per cent ABV, 30 IBU)
SNACK: 7-11 nachos with that chemical cheese that vaguely tastes like vomit, yet you crave it every time you find yourself drunk at 1:30 in the morning.
WHY: This delightfully dry saison offers notes of pepper and tropical fruit and should be more than sufficient at scraping that god-awful plasticy taste off your tongue. Seriously, what are you thinking eating that garbage?
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BEER: Goldynwell Folköl by (3.0 per cent ABV)
SNACK: Celery sticks with ranch dressing
WHY: Super Bowl is fun and all, but Sunday’s a work night and you’ve got to get the kids to daycare in the morning and if you show up reeking like booze (again) they might finally call Child Protective Services.
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BEER: Simple Things by (5.0 per cent ABV, 42 IBU)
SNACK: Hot wings
WHY: Because some things are sacred. Because some things are so tried and true we take them for granted. Crisp, hop-forward lagers and hot wings; you don’t mess with the classics.
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BEER: Wooly Bugger Barley Wine by (11.0 per cent ABV, 50 IBU)
SNACK: The entire goddamn cheese plate
WHY: You clearly hate yourself and enjoy punishing your body, so stop messing around and get it over with. Attack that cheese plate like a defensive end on the blitz with a clear line to the QB. Make that cheese plate wish it never got up in the morning. Then wash it down with a beer so strong and rich in flavour that you’ll be over the legal limit just by looking at it. It’s time to get aggressive. If you’re going to make mistakes today, make them big. It’s Super Bowl, baby! NOTE: You will not be invited back for next year’s party.
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