How Has My Love Affected You?
At the Arts Club Revue Stage until March 23
Tickets: 604-687-1644
artsclub.com
How Has My Love Affected You? might give your tear ducts a major workout. My guest, a cool but sensitive guy, sobbed openly for the last 10 minutes. I didnt know that his mothers dementia had progressed so far that he couldnt bear to visit her in the care facility where she now lingers. Playwright/performer Marcus Youssef, on the other hand, visits his Alzheimers-suffering mother Roleene all the time. And its killing him.
While dementia and Alzheimers are increasingly common, Youssefs case is unusual and unusually painful. When Roleene Youssef left the family first to go live in a motel, then to settle in California and eventually to go into care, she left behind boxes and boxes of journals, letters, post-it notes and photographs that documented and revealed all her most intimate thoughts including details of all the lovers shed had including three- to eight-wee-stands with men she found on the Internet. She also demanded that Marcus Youssef, her son, be completely written out of her will. And she wrote that she wished she could erase Marcus even his name. That last bit choked me up.
A hardened soul would have burned the lot. Thats not Youssef. In an interview, he says with regard to her writings, I have to set an alarm when I read them, for an hour or maybe two. And when it goes off, I have to stop reading them. Thats the deal.
So why would he put himself through this excruciating process? Firstly, he knows the experience of watching our parents decline is universal and that talking about it makes us feel less alone. A conversational collage in the lobby after the show went like this: When my mother My father in those final years She didnt even remember who I was I didnt even recognize him...
And secondly, Youssef is awed by how little we know of the inner, hidden lives of others. His mothers obsessive documenting of her life is rare evidence of how much more is going on than we can possibly imagine.
How Has My Love Affected You? is also Youssefs potent reminder of how important it is to tell those you love that you do. Time is running out.
Directed by Rachel Ditor for the Arts Club and Neworld Theatre, Youssef is primarily a storyteller and How Has My Love Affected You? is an intimate conversation between him and the audience. Theres potency in his raw, unpolished approach and tremendous lift from having his young musician/songwriter son Zak at the keyboard on stage with him. They share some sweet and funny in-family banter: Marcus points out he has little hair and a so-called Roman nose while Zak has a gorgeous head of thick curly hair and a regular nose. Zak perks up when Marcus promises him only 16 more performances then shrugs and grins when his dad teasingly adds, Unless we tour.
Zak sings songs by Veda Hille that she wrote using scraps of Roleenes writing while the song that brings the metaphorical curtain down is The Storyteller, written and performed by Zak, whose youthful presence is a gift.
But its the sheer warmth with which Marcus, shirt untucked, sleeves rolled up, embraces the audience that keeps How Has My Love Affected You? from becoming unbearably sad. His rueful self-effacement, unqualified honesty, quirky sense of humour and his courage in facing head-on this difficult life passage is, ironically, life affirming.
As for my guest, maybe those unchecked tears will provide the necessary catharsis to get him to visit his own mother while theres still time. Experience tells me that the pain of visiting is nothing compared to a lifetime of regret if you dont.
For more reviews, go to joledingham.ca.
