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After a disastrous 0-7 start, the Columbus Blue Jackets have overreacted, .

Yes, that John Tortorella, who coached the Â鶹´«Ã½Ó³»­Canucks for one disastrous season. Somehow, the Blue Jackets looked at their own unfolding disaster, then they looked at Tortorella's recent history, and said to themselves, "Now this is a man who knows disaster." 

“None of us saw our season unfolding the way it has and every one of us from management to coaches to players bears responsibility," said Blue Jackets' GM Jarmo Kekelainen. I think he was talking about the 0-7 start, not the hiring of Tortorella. Though it's hard to say.

But wait -- there's more. Because Tortorella was still under contract to Â鶹´«Ã½Ó³»­for three more seasons, incredibly, so this contract really puts them out, because they were totally planning on bringing him back once all the smoke cleared, the Canucks get a second-round pick as compensation.

Because Tortorella hired in-season, VAN gets a second-round pick

— Elliotte Friedman (@FriedgeHNIC)

Seriously. The Canucks, who fired John Tortorella two years ago, get a second-round draft pick because the Blue Jackets just hired him. I want to say this is a stupid rule, but a) after what Tortorella put us through, a second-round draft pick will help with the healing, and b) if I received compensation just because my ex moved on, I'd be pretty jazzed. So this is a pretty great rule. Safe to say it's also the most John Tortorella ever did for the Canucks.

I'm far more perplexed by Tortorella's hiring than I am by this beneficially inane rule. Are there only, like, 35 NHL coaches in the world? How does man who ran halfway around Rogers Arena to fight Bob Hartley, and steered the Canucks to just their second sub-200 goal season in franchise history, get another coaching opportunity before literally anyone else? I'm baffled. 

As expected, the Blue Jackets explained this move by appealing to the authority of Tortorella's Stanley Cup ring from 13 years ago. That's why they make those things so big and gaudy. It's so you can blind a management group with it.

But one shouldn't look a gift Torts in the mouth, especially considering Jim Benning plays so fast and loose with his assets. You'll recall that he appears to have wasted a second-rounder on Linden Vey. Now he gets one back! To spend on someone else! And he should spend it. This is like when you dig your fall coat out of the closet after the summer and find five bucks in the pocket. You don't save it. It's free money. You spend it immediately. So Benning should spend his whole day on the Internet, reading message board trade proposals. 

This really is an incredible situation for Tortorella. All he has to do is win one game and he's an improvement on the last guy. And after an 0-7 start, which came on the heels of a 16-1-2 run to close last year, not to mention a 5-2-1 preseason, the Blue Jackets are due for at least one win. So they've got that to look forward to. That and their games versus Bob Hartley's Calgary Flames. Tortorella hates Bob Hartley like . Although it's possible Torts won't be so agitated this time around. It's Ohio. What could possibly put him on edge? It's not like a cannon will be exploding behind him every five minutes in Columbus.

Anyway, Congratulations to Tortorella. Part of me thought he might never coach in the NHL again, since that seemed sort of reasonable. Lucky for him, the NHL has a strong recycling program. Lucky for the Canucks too.