Every now and then, the universe drops an incredible opportunity in your lap. If you’re a bad pun aficionado (if you’re reading this blog you must be), you know that a true bonanza doesn’t happen often. As it happens, a sizeable chunk of the Canucks’ roster has been knocked out of action. By the mumps. C’mon!
It’s bad news, and also the most wonderful news. My day has arrived. Don’t worry, it’s not all mumps puns, but there are way more than there should be. I don’t care, let me have this.
Speaking of incredible opportunities, with so many players flattened by a comically old-fashioned disease, Â鶹´«Ă˝Ół»called up a number of Utica Comets, including Jordan Subban and Evan McEneny, the latter of whom saw his first ever NHL ice against the Sharks. On the other end of the spectrum, with the trade deadline approaching, this might have been the last time I would watch Alex Burrows or Jannik Hansen play in a Canucks jersey. when I watched this game.
- Breakout player Troy “Patient Zero” Stecher is now also an outbreak player. The rookie was the first one confirmed to have the disease. Poor kid is really taking his mumps this season, probably because he’s so cheeky. But like any pro, he’ll take this setback on the chin and move on. Also sidelined are Chris Tanev, Nikita Tryamkin, Michael Chaput, and Markus Granlund.
- Despite having half the Utica Comets, three Alaska Aces, and Murray the janitor in the lineup, the Canucks controlled the play at the beginning of the first period. Alex Grenier, Joe LaBate, Evan McEneny all had shots or shot attempts within the first few minutes. The good news: it was exciting and encouraging to see the young guys playing with jump and creativity. The scary news: the team actually looked marginally better while absolutely riddled with disease. At least to start the game.
- The Canucks iced what looked like a hypothetical hockey forum lineup, the kind of post that leads to mockery. Comets call-ups saw decent ice time. Evan McEneny played over 15 minutes in his debut. And all things considered, I thought they looked pretty good. It’s almost as though you can ice a bunch of rookies and let them play without the sky falling. Almost. Except totally not, because that’s obviously FAKE NEWS. Jayson Megna didn’t play NEARLY enough. Sad!
- The first period was pretty chippy. Both teams were coming off a bye week and, like a video game starring Stephen Harper as the protagonist, the action was very conservative. The best Canucks chance came with Bo Horvat feeding Loui Eriksson right in front of the crease, where Loui was denied by Martin Jones.
- What happens when you combine a turnover with a flakey defensive crumble? Don’t try it, it’s gross. The puck was gifted to Joel Ward, who sped right past an awkward Canucks change at the bench. The confusion over who was coming on and going off, combined with a natural hesitancy to take a penalty meant Ward had a clean break. He deked and couldn’t squeak it past Ryan Miller, but Tomas Hertl drafted in his wake and popped in an easy goal.
- Like the virus ravaging the Canucks locker room, the energy of call-up Joe Labate was highly infectious and caused neck stiffness and pain, at least in Melker Karlsson, who . Later in the third period, Brenden Dillon challenged LaBate to a bout and he accepted, with a narrow decision going to Dillon.
- In addition to skating and scoring, Bo Horvat can pass the puck faster than an acute salivary gland contagion passes between all of Vancouver’s tradeable assets. After a strong Alex Biega forecheck in the second period put the puck right on Horvat’s stick, he instantly ripped a pass to Jannik Hansen at full speed. Unfortunately for Hansen, like a totally unimaginative toothpaste aisle, there was nothing there but Crest, and Martin Jones made the stop look easy.
- Evan McEneny clearly had the jitters in his first ever pro game, and was christened with a punishing hit by Barclay “” Goodrow. Said Goodrow after the hit, “Pip pip good sir, I daresay I gave you a cauliflower ear!” Still, overall I observed that McEneny looked very poised, making small, smart passes and skating the puck smoothly out of danger on multiple occasions.
- On second thought, these turnovers aren’t so bad. As Brent Burns attempted to backhand the puck out of their zone, Henrik Sedin picked the puck off and slid it over to his bro. Daniel ripped the puck to the far side, finally outsmartin’ Martin. I couldn’t see any daylight, but like Dave Matthews, Daniel , and the goal evened up the score at 1-1.
- When you observe that a certain player is not playing, you come up with theories why not. Reid Boucher, for example, doesn’t play often. He must have a deficiency in his game, right? Well against the Sharks Boucher finally saw more than 11 minutes, including some second unit power play ice. And weirdly enough, he played pretty well and shot the puck a lot. When asked about this, Willie Desjardins yelled at me to ferme ma Boucher.
- Right at the end of the second frame, Patrick Marleau lurked deep in Vancouver’s end like that iconic, notorious sea predator with sharp teeth lurks in deep waters. (Yep, Fitting simile, right?) Marleau was the beneficiary of a lot of Chris Tierney hard work to maintain the zone and facilitate a protracted cycle.
- I like that Ben Hutton is creative and actually tries stuff, but his risky moves, like a ferocious leopard seal, really bit the Canucks hard. Hutton coughed up the puck several times against the Sharks, the last one leading to a deflating goal. As Hutton tried a move to gain the Sharks’ zone, Mikkel Boedker saw an opportunity and stole the puck right off his stick. Boedker sped in on Miller and beat him cleanly for a two-goal lead. In a show of classic medieval retaliation, Â鶹´«Ă˝Ół»had the last laugh when they a plague-ridden Troy Stecher over the walls of San Jose’s castle keep.
- Late in the third, Daniel Sedin got a bit too aggressive on his forecheck and took a penalty. On the ensuing power play Brent Burns fed Logan Couture, and in return Couture fed Burns' point totals in the NHL scoring race. Couture had so much time to place his shot that I was able to grapple with some deep-yet-pointless realizations. For instance, plastic dinosaurs are made from oil, meaning they’re actually made from dinosaurs. That thought caused me to sit stunned, while the Sharks now sat pretty with a three-goal lead.
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Luca Sbisa left the game in the third period due to the “stomach flu”, which is NHL code for “everyone in Rogers Arena now has the mumps.” It’s the Oprah Winfrey giveaway that no one asked for.
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*extremely Oprah voice*
— Pass it to Bulis (@passittobulis)
"You get the mumps, you get the mumps, EVERYBODY GETS THE MUUUUUUUUMPS!"Ěý
- PS. If you did not watch Alex Burrows on CBC's After Hours, please go do so immediately. Warning: he will Burrows his way further into your heart.
