The NHL trade deadline approaches, but is this a seller's market? According to Jim Benning in a , it鈥檚 hard to say because not many teams are selling.
Except, , turns out that鈥檚 exactly what a seller鈥檚 market is.
Probably just a mistake, right? I needed to clear up this misunderstanding. I jumped on the horn with Mr. Benning and asked the hard questions. Alas, to my dismay, it is abundantly clear he truly has no clue what a 鈥渟eller鈥檚 market鈥� is.
But it runs much deeper. On a hunch, I asked him to define a bunch of other hockey terms for me, in his own words. Like a voting machine with an electrical short, the results are shocking.
鈥�
-What is a seller鈥檚 market?
聽聽聽 鈥淲eird question. ? Used to be a big department store chain but they鈥檝e closed down now. Back to the hockey?鈥�
-Backcheck?
聽聽聽 鈥淲hen you staple a blank cheque to your back for emergencies. Everybody does it.鈥�
-Forecheck?
聽聽聽 "Much more painful.鈥�
-Prospects?
聽聽聽 鈥淧ro鈥檚 pecs? The pectoral muscles of a professional athlete. Swish! Next question.鈥�
-Breakaway?
聽聽聽 鈥淚n my opinion, which I respect, is hugely underrated.鈥�
-Shootout?
聽聽聽 "Shoe touts? Aggressive footwear sales.鈥�
-Hash marks?
聽聽聽 "Legalize it, Trudeau!鈥�
-Illegal high hit?
聽聽聽 鈥淩efer to my previous answer.鈥�
-Icing?
聽聽聽 鈥淚 like to eat it with a spoon after an illegal high hit.鈥�
-Penalty kill?
聽聽聽 鈥淓asy! Those are the given and middle names of P.K. Subban. Double swish!鈥�
-Shorthanded?
聽聽聽 鈥淚 don鈥檛 want to get too political, but let me just say that from where I stand, .鈥�
-The trap?
聽聽聽 "The players like it, but it鈥檚 not a I really appreciate. Give me Kelly Clarkson any old day.鈥�
-Goal crease?
聽聽聽 鈥淵ou mean crease goal? That鈥檚 when a puck deflects off and into the net.鈥�
-Playmaker?
聽聽聽 鈥淗ow dumb do you think I am? Um, does Shakespeare ring a bell?鈥�
-Two-way forward?
聽聽聽 鈥淲e strongly believe that hockey is for everyone.鈥�
-Second-round pick:
聽聽聽 鈥淭hat鈥檚 the special present you give to other general managers. You give them a second rounder so that they pick up the phone.鈥�
-Zamboni:
聽聽聽 鈥淚 recently ordered one at Boston Pizza. Delicious.鈥�
